Rehab-Aftercare, part of the process

I am finally leaving the hospital. I am very excited to leave, also a bit scared. I have been safe in here. I have had help and support. People who understand. It has been an experience I will never forget. I don't want to ever repeat it, but dare I say I am glad I actually went through this and came out the other side. I think I'm even a bit sad. I know I will never see these people again, but I will miss them and never forget them or the lessons I learned. Now I must actually start living those lessons. That is the hard part.

Home again. I think everyone is a bit afraid of me. They don't know how to react and I can sense my family doesn't want to hear all of my new found wisdom, learned from therapy while I was in the hospital, so I am quiet. I am feeling quite isolated. I start an intensive outpatient group and am actually excited, because I know I will find my "own kind" there. It is sad that at times like these the people closest tend to stay away emotionally. We need them so desperately, yet they don't understand. They have been hurt and betrayed. The drug addict gets all the help. While I go to meetings and am surrounded by love and supportive angels, my family is just out there wandering and they don't know what to do. I have found the greatest healer of all is love. That love that is in all of us. I must never let hurts, resentments, sadness squelch that love that burns so intensively inside me. It kept me going in the hospital. I must learn to give away that love wherever I go. That's what will help heal us all.

I met another band of angels at my Aftercare, where miracles happen daily. As another group of ragtag drug addicts work at putting their lives back together. I have come to the conclusion that if a person can truly be humble, do the work and beat drug addiction, that takes such a strong hold over your body and mind, you can pretty much accomplish anything you set out to do the rest of your life. Over the next four months there were so many times I would like to have taken a sleeping pill, oh just for a good nights rest. A pain pill to help the horrible pain in my back and legs or an anxiety pill, when I would have an anxiety attack. To feel that calming feeling that comes over me, just to rest. But I am resisting each time, just taking in deep breaths. I follow the rules and am proud to say that most of my friends in the group are too. We developed a great love and respect and bond over these victories because we know how hard it is. We lose some from the group. It is inevitable. Humility is the biggest part and some are just not ready yet. I pray that soon they will come back, because there is nothing worse than coming to a meeting and seeing an empty chair. That person thinks they can beat it on their own. They can't, we all need help, we need each other to perform miracles in our lives.

I continue to learn and grow and get stronger. Each day that I go to my group I am more determine to beat this thing that tried to take over my life. I am starting to like who I am a bit more. I am feeling healthy again. My hair is starting to grow back, my eyelashes too. I am starting to lose weight. I feel like I have more control. How can I every repay my angels who have helped me get to this place? I love the counselor who takes care of her flock in Aftercare. She is hard on us, but loves us so much and wants so badly for us to succeed. I gave her a book when I left her care and a phrase in this book describes her to perfection.

"We are all here to help each other. Whenever God works a miracle it is always done thru another person." Og Mandino.

This describes my sweet counselor to perfection. She is certainly a tool in God's hands, her compassion is boundless, her love is unending. She works miracles every day and she is certainly one of my angels.