Thanksgiving

From the time I was small, I always loved Thanksgiving.  We spent our holiday at my grandmother's or in our home, where the table was set with lovely china and the aroma of turkey came from the kitchen. 

I loved setting the table, I loved the gleam of the silverware. I loved being with the family, having everyone sit down together.  I loved that my grandmothers and my mother, strived to make things nice for their families.  I especially am grateful for the way these people lived their lives.  They were all hardworking, loving people.  They loved their families and they loved the gospel.  They set an example for those that would follow. 

When our kids were little, we split our time between Jim's family and mine.  Each was equally nice.  I learned from Maude how to make Yams (the right way).  We were all having kids at the same time, so where ever we went for Thanksgiving it was crazy, with lots of noise, but lots of fun as the cousins grew up together.  I am grateful for parents and in-laws who loved us so.  Nothing made them happier than gathering their families together, and as I get older I understand the joy they felt when they got to have everybody together. 

As our children got older, I have had Thanksgiving in our home, most of the time.  We've done different things a few years, yet I still enjoy making the meal, setting the table and gathering everyone together.   

 

We are grateful to be having Thanksgiving with Ty and Melanie this year.  Just have to show up with a few dishes and enjoy the day.  Loving the day as always, remembering those that are gone, and enjoying those who surround me.
Happy Thanksgiving..Where ever you may be.

"The fragrance always stays in the hand that give the Rose"

What a wonderful world. 

 That is a strange sentence to write down after reading the newspaper and listening to the news.  There are so many things going on that can bring a person down.
 I have had a particularly rough month.
 But even with all the heartache, physical illness and all kinds of other strange goings on..there is still so much of heaven everywhere.
 The contrast for me is so strong.
 When I get down or falter or go back a step or two,
 what keeps me going is the army that Heavenly Father chose to bless me with.
   I believe that Heavenly Father works through us.
 I am constantly amazed by the courage of people like Tyler Hallsey and his family and Burgen Jensen and her family.
 They give me strength.

 I live in an area that could only be called Heaven in the middle of a world in crisis.
  Here we have a bit of peace. 
A little bit of land with houses dotting the hill..and those homes are filled with people who all have problems,
 but who take care of each other
Such a pure love dwells here. 
The closeness that we feel is priceless.
 The love that ties us together is a rare thread, it doesn't break.
 All of the people give of themselves over and over again.  They never stop, they just keep on giving.  I have been the recipient of their generosity and love over and over.

 

"..have miracles ceased?  Behold I say unto you, Nay; neither have angels ceased to minister unto the children of men."

 

Moroni 71: 29

 

Miracles have not ceased and angels do exist. 
They are all living in my neighborhood. 

 

"..charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever.."

 

Moroni 71:47

 

And these angels who live here have the charity that this scripture is talking about. 

My dear friends and neighbors have given out so many roses over the years. 
It smells like a rose garden as you walk down the street.

I am so grateful I live among these lovely people.

"Couldn't Do it Without You"

I can't let this week go by (or start) without paying tribute to Jim. 

 Another week...another back surgery..what else is new??

Jim takes it in stride.  Taking care of me. 

 Working, being in the bishopbric, keeping the house clean,
the wash done and my plants watered. 
He's had to be my nurse this week and done it with such kindness. 

 Thank you for always being there for me. 

 As Jake always says 

 "Couldn't do it without you!" 

Reflections..Grama B, Reunion with Uncle Mel

Grama Bagley loved the simple things in life. 

 She loved flowers, she loved baking and gardening, she loved music. 

 Most of all she loved her family. 

She loved summer when the Low and Bagley cousins came from out of town. 

 I think the reason we loved being together in her home was because we felt her love. 

We felt the security that comes from being together. 

 Grama didn't have much in the way of material things, she didn't give us much materially..but she gave us everything this world has to offer. 

She gave of herself.  She gave of her time, she gave us her love. 

 She passed on her many gifts, her sense of humor, her love of music, her love of quilting, her artistic abilities. 

 She had five amazing children and thirteen grandchildren who will always be grateful for the time and love she gave to us.

Dad and Uncle Mel got a lot of Grama's characteristics. 

 They loved music, they loved to get together and have a good party, laugh and joke.

  (I think the joking and teasing came from Grampa.) 

 When Uncle Mel, Aunt Barbara and their girls came to town we spent our days and nights at Grama's and Grampa's

Barbeques, singing and listening to Uncle Mel and Dad tell stories, laugh and try to one up each other.

  Again, it was that time spent with one another that cements a family together. 

 We may not see those cousins often.  Dad, mom, Aunt Barbara, Marie, Grama and Grampa are all gone now..but the memories will last. 

Uncle Mel invited us to Pinedale this past weekend. 

There were a lot of games, singing, fishing and good food. 

So much fun seeing our cousins and their children. 

 Uncle Mel, sitting in the midst of us all, was in charge, making sure we were participating, "who's marching the best?" he'd say 

 "sing that song one more time, a prize for the best singer." 

 said Uncle Mel

And of course, everybody marched and sang.  

 

Thank you  for the beautiful weekend.  For bringing our family together. 

 The world is so busy these days. 

 It is good to stop and realize that simple things like good food, singing, games,

spending time on a summer evening and being with family making memories is what it is all about.

 

"It is your Reaction to Adversity..."

These last couple of months we have had our share of adversity. 

When it rains it pours. 

After Jim lost his job we have had many rainy days. 

 But as cheesy as it sounds...the sun always comes out after the rain. 

 For as many down days as we have had..there have been days full of blessings. 

 In February Jim got called to the Bishopbric, which has been a great blessing in our lives. 

 We also had time in February to visit the PA gang which we usually don't do in the winter months.  Each time I go through a difficult time it makes me aware of those around me who have it worse and my compassion for them deepens. 

 Going through adversity continues to strengthen my faith. 

I love this quote. 

 I remember telling my son when he was going through difficult times that when things get really tough, give yourself a day or so to be sad, but then pick yourself up.. start thinking of what you have to be grateful for and get on with life. 

 Have faith that things will work out. 

 Things do work out one way or another. 

 

This last week another bump in the road. 

 My back has gotten to the point where the nerves have made it so I am limping. 

 My left leg is getting more numb and dragging quite a bit. 

 The doctor is worried that some of the damage to my nerves is beyond repair. 

 So I have been a bit down this past week,

 wondering again why..

why is it pouring rain yet again?

And then I go outside

I look at the signs of spring.

I see my lilac blooming

 (the very lilac that Maude gave me for my birthday so many  years ago) 

It thrives and blooms each year reminding me of that sweet lady who taught me to love trees and flowers and nature. 

 I hear the sound of my fountain, so soothing as I fix our evening meal.

I see these beautiful plants waiting to be put in the ground. 

 They will make my garden lovely.

I look out from my front porch and see this view and am uplifted. 

 

So with any adversity that goes on in my life,

 I don't even have to leave my home to find many wonderful things

 to make me grateful that I am alive. 

Things that strengthen my faith, and help me know that all will be well.

"Courage does not Always Roar

I love this quote. 
It reminds me of some very courageous people I know who are going through difficulties. Through it all they continue to get up each day, have a positive attitude and think of others.
 One of these people is my neighbor Danna. 
She has cancer. 
Throughout her chemo and radiation she has continued to teach her fifth grade students each day.  When I visit her and ask how she is, she immediately turns the conversation around and wants to know how I am.
 She continues to serve others while she has been sick. 
She rarely feels sorry for herself.
 She is one of my heroes.
 Another is a little boy named Tyler Hallsey.
 He is battling a tumor in his brain.
 He is the son of  Cricker Hallsey who used tend our kids and hang out with our boys, James and Tyler.  This whole family is facing this trial with optimism and a fighting spirit. 
You can follow Tyler's journey on his facebook page. www.facebook.com#!/whateverittakestylerhallsey.

 I am also amazed by my niece Sarah.  She is going through the heartbreaking issues of infertility.
 As the years have gone by and as her sisters and the other nieces have had their babies, Sarah is always the first to offer to help with showers.  She steps forward with lovely gifts..she always thinks of others..even though her heart is breaking. 
She continues to look forward to the future with optimism and hope. 

These people give me hope.  They are an example of perserverance.  They are the quiet ones who face each day with courage.
 They show me, through their example to "try again tomorrow" to overcome difficulties and be a better person.

"TRIBUTE TO FALL"

When I first feel that cool fall air in the morning and see the leaves change and pumpkins start showing up everywhere, I always think back to the fall when "Tribute" was born. It was many years ago, because my son Nick, who is now 33 was about 10. According to my journal, this is how it went.

"When I was a younger mom I decorated my home for each holiday

- even St. Patrick's day took a day of my time to make everything green.

 But Fall and Christmas took days.

Of course my friends were all engaged in these same activities,

 making their homes look festive for the season.

 One year when my son was about ten or eleven, I had just finished a masterpiece on my mantel for fall.

 I called my friend Pat right over to admire my handy work... and admire we did.

Nick, just in from school joked as Pat came in,

 " You have to see my moms Tribute to Fall".

Ever since any decoration for a season has become known as

"Tribute" to Christmas, Fall or whatever season we are in.

Well, a few years back I was in bed, sick. I just didn't have it in me to get "Tribute" out.

I had a phone call from Sue, the most concerned of neighbors.

Her first sentence was "I hear you might not get your Tribute up!"

It almost sounded like our country was being invaded or some such disaster.

She was that upset!

 I found out that if I was not well enough by the first week of October that Sue, Colleen and Pat would be over here making sure my tribute was up in all its glory,

because it just can not happen one year.

It seems a small and very unimportant thing when you look at the state of the world.

Wars, hurricanes, tornadoes that take peoples lives and homes.

 But what if all neighborhoods were like mine, where people were so concerned that they would come and put some fall leaves up just to see a smile?

 Somehow, when I look at it that way it seems as big as world events.

 It seems more important. Friends loving friends, looking out for each other.

We are all so different yet because of love we are the same. "

We have put up "Tribute" for others when they didn't feel well. We take each other to the hospital,

we sit with each other, comfort each other, laugh and talk and have fun together.

 

Each fall as I put my leaves and pumpkins out,

I am ever grateful for the beautiful world I live in, for the friends I am surrounded by,

 for a son who still has a funny sense of humor, who makes me laugh,

 for traditions, for those who continue to care,

 no matter what comes our way.

Going Forward

 

I've posted this particular quote before.  But, I refer to it again and again when things don't always go as planned.  This past week has been nice, having gotten away, yet not without problems. I guess Jim and I are getting old, because we are both having a few health issues.  We'll live, but not feeling totally up to ourselves the last few days.  And then this blog thing.  I feel as though I've lost a bit of myself after finding out that most of my pictures are gone.  So, slowly I will start building my memories and thoughts again.  I'll take the best of what I have..try and restore it and let the rest go.  Just like Goethe's Mother, "if it is too heavy, I go round it." 

So slowy, the black squares where pictures used to be will disappear.

The Best Days

"The best days are when you don't need anything extreme or special to happen to make
it great. 
 You just appreciate and enjoy what is and that's perfect enough."

~author unknown

"Nothing can cure the soul but the senses..."

This past week I've had an infection in my ear that has made it difficult to hear.  My sense of smell was taken away a number of years ago.  This particular loss affects me the most at this time of the year.  When the lilacs start blooming and Jim first mows the lawn and I first put my hands in the dirt.  I want to smell all those wonderful scents.  The grass, the lilac, the earth. 

I am so grateful for my eyes and the knowledge that the ear problem is temporary.  For the color explosion is beginning and I am loving every minute of it.  I can remember the scent of the lilac as I walk by, or that burst of lemon, and the roses...

"Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul."

~Oscar Wilde

How I love spring.

 

We are Wealthy in what is Important

After a long weekend, Whit is on the mend.  Friday she had emergency gall bladder surgery.  Saturday there were post surgery complications.  Watching a child in such intense pain is very difficult.  Add on the worry of her pregnancy, makes it twice as hard.  What was lovely to watch was the outpouring of love.  Whitney's sweet husband, Jason, never left her side.  Whitney also has a huge support group which includes aunts, uncles, cousins and friends.  Her brothers and sisters love and rally around with prayers, visits and good wishes.  Her seven little nephews want their Aunt Whitney to be well again.  They love her so much.  Whitney has a special relationship with her sister/twin/cousin, Marta.  Marta was at the hospital to make Whitney feel well with her loves, hugs and funny stories.  Jim and I are  grateful for a close family who are always there for one another.  We are so grateful for Whitney's recovery, and continue to be happy for children and other family member's generosity and love.  It doesn't matter what is going on in this world, family and friends are what is most important.  We have an abundance of both, and so as we go into this new year consider ourselves very wealthy in what is most dear to us.  Happy New Year.

My beautful daughter

I have an ache in my heart today. My youngest daughter is in the hospital. It is hard not to worry as she is pregnant with her first baby. She is so excited for this little one. We are hoping the doctors can find out what is wrong with her. Prayers and love sent her way are welcome.

A sick day

painting by Carl Larsson

I get lots of loves and kisses from the little ones,

which also means I get whatever they happen to carry with those sweet kisses.

They came down with the flu earlier this week 

so now I am enjoying a day or two at home.

LETTUCE, SWISS CHARD, AND TOMATOES - FRESH

"What was paradise, but a garden full of vegetables
and herbs and flowers?
Nothing there but delights."

William Lawson


 

I've been gathering plates like this from my garden. The tomatoes are starting to ripen.

The lettuce and swiss chard make a delicious salad.

Tomatoes need nothing but a little salt and pepper.

I have a little boxwood basil that adds tons of flavor to everything!

This was the salad we enjoyed last night.

The dressing was made from nonfat plain yogurt and dijon mustard and a touch of vinegar.

 I added whatever herbs I cut from my garden.

It was the best salad I've had all year!

BEING GRATEFUL

I am not having a good day. This is my back and my neck looks similar. I have an arthritic condition where the arthritis eats at my spine. I've had two surgeries on my back and a surgery on my neck where they fused everything together. Yet the arthritis continues to eat away whatever isn't held together by the hardware. My left leg starts dragging from numbness and pain. This keeps me from doing the things I love to do. I went to my back doctor the other day and he suggested another surgery to clean out the stuff that grows around my spine or taking prednizone, which because of previous experience with that drug I just can't bring myself to do. So my options are to have the big old cortisone shots in my back. One worked great, the other didn't. So today I go and hope for the best.

Whine, Whine, Whine.

The point of all this whining, is that I try to look at things from the bright side most of the time, but sometimes, when due to leg hurting constantly, and keeping me from doing the things I love to do, I get a bit down. So, I read things and think of blessings.

 I spent time in my upper garden last night, which needed desperate care and love, but nonetheless was quiet and peaceful. It encloses me, as if there isn't anything outside of this little world. I can think and be grateful. Titanium pins are relatively new. If I had this condition a number of years ago, they couldn't have put these strong rods in my back and neck and made me somewhat of a bionic woman! They have epideral shots that now, in some instances can relieve pain for months! Wow! If my grama had this condition, and who knows maybe she did, she would not have had any of these fixes.

If I lived in a developing country and had no doctors or medicine, there would be nothing to help me and on top of that I would have no Upper Garden! So, I say to myself,

 "stop whining", go get your shot,

and pray that it works this time."

"We think that people are grateful because they are happy.

But is this true?

 Look closely, and you will find that people are happy because they are grateful.

When we are thankful for whatever is given to us,

 no matter how difficult, no matter how uninvited it may be,

the thankfulness itself makes us happy".

~David Steindl-Rast

The Sun after the Storm

I enjoyed a beautiful evening last night. Relief Society in Teri's lovely backyard. Tasty salad's, wonderful company and a speaker who had so many timely reminders on what is myth and truth in our lives. What a nice way to end a busy day. She spoke about how we are all here to learn and grow. Whatever happens in our lives is for that purpose. It made me really reflect on the past few years. The many difficulties, hardships, mistakes, and problems. All for reasons to grow. For my own growth, for my loved ones. Everything is for a reason. But if we just sit and let it steamroll over us it will be for nothing. Not everything is perfect right now, but comparitively speaking my days are so much better. Never will a day go by that I will not be grateful for good health. Looking at the pictures from my last post, I can only be joyously happy that I could enjoy such a day with friends and little ones and have the health to be there and the stamina to take care of those two boys. I know that storms will always be on the horizon, but that is the way it is suppose to be and I know now that I have the strength (with Heavenly Father's help) to see myself through those storms and look forward to the beautiful sunny days that always follow.

Lessons Learned

Occasionally I reread past journal entries and find something worthwhile that I learned. When I was sick I learned a lot and even though the memory of being sick isn't pleasant it is good to remember those lessons. Here's what I wrote:

"I have learned always 'one day at a time'. How about one flower at a time? Here's the experience of the last two years planting my garden. It took two months. I could only be off the oxygen about an hour a day, so I would go and buy a plant or two at my neighboring nursery each day, come home, rest, and plant them that evening. Then start the whole process over the next day. Huffing and puffing through it all. It took a long time, but the results were every bit as beautiful as previous years and probably more satisfying, because it was so hard and it took so long to accomplish the task.
Lessons learned~ Patience and perserverence and NEVER GIVE UP!"

-Two years later-
"I planted my flowers in two days this year, not very many plants, but equally as beautiful and very satisfying.
Lessons learned~ Simplicity is a rich reward,
Be Happy with What you are given."

Sometimes when I was sick I became very wise.

What is Nocardia?

After my recent posts I was asked by a few to explain the illness I had that proceeded my drug addiction. About five years ago I became ill with what appeared to be a respiratory problem. The doctors could not figure out what was going on. But after several emergency runs to the hospital not able to breath and two week long visits there we knew something serious was happening. This started in January and by June I had been on oxygen and high doses of prednisone and undergone many tests still not knowing why I was sick. One such test was particularly scary. The results were a collapsed lung and some spots on the other lung. We spent a long weekend praying and fasting that things would go well, and when the doctor called on Monday our prayers were answered. The scrapings showed a very rare bacteria called Nocardia. At last we had a name for what was causing my problems. Nocardia only affects about 500 people in the US a year, so it is fairly difficult to diagnose. It is a bacterial infection that usually starts in the lungs. It can spread to other organs, most often the brain and the skin. But may also involve the kidneys, joints, heart, eyes and bones. Complications of nocardial infections may lead to scarring and chronic shortness of breath. Brain abscesses may lead to loss of neurological function. At one point I had such serious sinus problems, I had to have surgery on my sinus's to make sure the nocardia had not spread to my brain. When they finally diagnosed the illness, it took a year and a half of antibiotics to kill the bacteria. The trick was to stay alive while the antibiotics were slowly killing the bacteria. A large oxygen machine became a part of my life and many other breathing treatments. But the big thing that kept me breathing was the dreaded medication prednisone. It keeps you alive, but causes all kinds of awful side affects. I gained 50 pounds, my mind and nervous system got really messed up, when I was on the prednisone intraveneously I had to be on insulin, because it puts you in a diabetic state. If I was on high doses I'd have more energy and be able to breath better, but the minute we'd start tapering down my body would just crash. Needless to say, the next few years I was in and out of the hospital or in bed trying to keep my oxygen level at 90 or above. It was a long and trying time for both me and my family, but with prayer and faith we lived through it. Some would say they would like to forget such miserable times as these, I might agree, but can't, because as awful as it was, I was served by family and friends with such kindness, love and understanding, that I need to remember those valuable lessons learned so I can serve others now that I have been given the most wonderful gift of health.

The Kelkemp Hug

I remember that most wonderful feeling when I was little and scared in the middle of the night. I'd run to my parents room and climb in next to my mom. Feeling her welcome arms around me never felt so secure. Or running down the sloping grass of grampa's backyard into his outstretched arms. The overwelming feeling of love when your newborn babies get put in your arms for the very first time and you get to feel their warm skin against your own. Pure heaven!! Then their hugs as they get older and they crawl into bed with you and you are their security and they cuddle ever so closely, oh for such a short time. My grandson's know that grama must always have hugs. It is part of the deal. I'll be their grama, but they must give me hugs on arrival and departure. (Inbetween is optional for them, but much appreciated by me). A few years ago, I was in the hospital and because of the nature of that hospital, there was very limited human contact. The showers there had no water pressure and the shower head could not be moved. I am very short and because of this, the water went right over my head. As a result of this my showers were basically sponge showers. Upon my arrival home there were no big open arms waiting to enfold me in a huge hug. But my shower at home has a lot of water pressure and I can move it so it shoots on my back and shoulders and neck. It was the closest I could get to a warm, enveloping hug. I was reminded of the all time best hugger. At that time I decided to learn how to hug like him and would name the hug in his honor. It would be called the "Kelkemp Hug". Because he never let anyone get passed him without letting them feel his enthusiam for life and love for all people with that beautiful smile and outstretched arms and then the warmest hug in the world. That will be my goal, to learn, to perfect and to pass on the "Kelkemp Hug"!

My Quilt

Some years ago I spent time in a hospital, where I learned many things. I feel at this point in my life I am ready to share some of the things I wrote in my journal during that time. " We meet each morning and evening as a group. About twenty people trying to put pieces together of our broken lives. Some might think we are just a bunch of crazies, I even jokingly refer to us as the crazies, but I know now that we are all valued children of God. He loves all of us the same, whether we are in the hospital or not in the hospital. I can learn from each person I meet in the hospital whether they are the most important of doctors or the saddest of patient's. I want to find my quilt again, they have taken it away. I have thought a lot about its beautiful colors and its welcoming warmth as I wrapped myself deep into its folds. At first, I thought I might want to throw away my patch and start over again, but I don't think so. I think I'll stitch it back on, in the middle, even if I don't love the way it looks. Even if it is a little crooked. Even if it doesn't exactly fit in with all the other squares. I will leave it, because it's me, and I will learn to love and appreciate it as it is. My quilt will always remind me of lessons learned and it gives me the knowledge that things can be repaired, or sometimes should just be accepted. Sometimes the beauty is not like it was originally, but those are the consequences and I must learn to live with that. I appreciate and love all the squares in my quilt and wonder if they will all stay the same? I think as time goes by, as the quilt ages, each square moves slightly. The threads loosen and the fabric weakens, we try to repair and help make it strong again. Each square is cherished whether it stays the same or changes. We all learn different things in different ways."