Aging- A Glorious Secret

"There's this youth culture...it really discards people once they reach a certain age.  I actually think that people are so powerful and interesting - women, especially - when they are older.  We've got so much to say, but popular culture is so reductive that we just talk about whether we've got wrinkles, or whether we've put on weight or lost weight, or whether we've changed our hairstyle.  I just find that shallow."  ~Annie Lennox

Not so in this neighborhood where I live surrounded by so many incredibly elegant, talented women. They are so beautiful in so many different ways.  It is because of how they have lived and what they have lived through.  Their beauty radiates through their eyes and in their smiles.  They have accumulated wisdom that only life can give you.  I find great comfort being around these lovely women.  

I have been walking in the early mornings with a few of these 'girls'.  

January can be cold when you live so close to the mountains, but we get up early and get ourselves moving!  One of our group has had a stroke, two have pacemakers, one of those nearly died before she got hers, and I couldn't breathe for three years.  

We have always cared for each other during those times, and also during emotional upsets.  

And so we marvel that we are out walking at all! 

 We notice the blue sky, the sun when it comes out from behind the mountains. 

 We notice every beautiful thing as we walk, because we have lived and we are so grateful for each other, for our surroundings and for the fact that we are actually walking!  Oh, what a wonderful world.  How much better to be on this end of things. To know what we know. 

 It's almost like having a glorious secret. We'd like to share it with our younger sisters, friends, daughters... but we can't.  

For they must live it. 

 Then they will know.

  "Growing old is a mandatory process. For women, for a period of time, we might even resist aging as we try our hardest to fight off wrinkles and hang on to the physical beauty of our faces.  Yet, getting old is a natural process where things are slowing down, and you'll begin to see that the sparkle in your heart and the twinkle in your eyes make you beautiful in a way that's not achievable in youth. 'Age' is the acceptance of a term of years.  But maturity is the glory of years."

Lessons From My Mother

I've been thinking a lot about my mom this week. 

 I had a decision to make and really wanted to talk to her. 

 I would have loved to hear her voice telling me what she thought I should do. 

 As I thought about her I imagined what she would say to me.  

Her most important priority was her family.  I think my mom had a bit of an adventurous streak in her.  

She was the one who killed the spiders, caught the mice, birthed the puppies,

rode on the rides at lagoon and disneyland. 

As the picture above shows she got up on that camel. 

 I'm sure dad was watching, as he did as she took care of the spiders, mice and rode the rides. 

 But she chose to stay at home and take care of us. 

 She was the quiet one, standing back so dad could shine.  

Some people may call that old fashioned in this day and age. 

 I call it unselfish.  

She loved us so much. 

 She was graceful, kind and good. I have tried so hard to be like her and come up short, 

but using her as an example keeps me always striving to be better.  

Thank you mom for leaving little bits of yourself behind.  

Your handwritten letters, your kind acts, your traditions, your love of the gospel and your family.

  When I am troubled or trying to make hard decisions,

 all I have to do is think of you and your life and I usually get my answer.  

You've been gone for a long time..but because of the way you lived your life,

 you will always be with me.   

Extraordinary Women

 I was reading in my book "Daughters in my Kingdom." 

The first paragraph in that book is the best as it talks about  examples of ordinary women who accomplish extraordinary things as they exercise their faith.  I have been blessed to be surrounded by such women. 

You don't hear about these women in magazines, newspapers, or movies.

  These are real women, who have amazing stories, who live life with courage and faith. 

 They overcome heartbreak and discouragement and come through stronger. 

They are beautiful because of the way they live and meet their challenges.

From Grama Bagley I may not have learned the art of quilting or stitching

 (that skipped generations to my daughters),

but I feel a kinship with her when I think about home, children and church.

Here is a quote from her journal,

 where she describes her feelings when she is about to lose her home.

 "I have become attached to this place. I love the flowers, trees, and shrubs we have struggled to raise from a veritable rock pile. As president of the mutual I have attended five sessions of the annual conference. I have mixed emotions. It was an inspiration to hear Elder Widtsoe say, 'I am as clay in the hands of a potter.' Now I know it is my duty to forget material things and respond to the call and do the will of my Father in Heaven.
It is my desire to do a small amount of good while I am young. If someone could say of me, 'she helped me over a rough spot or helped me catch the spirit of the gospel', I would feel my life had not been in vain. The loss of our home and my human weaknesses make me feel I should resign. Then I realize it is an opportunity and I would be cheating myself of growth in our church which means more than anything else."
Another entry in October of 1936 "
Many things and events have impressed me and helped my testimony to grow. Not long ago, our three sons all passed the sacrament together. It gave me a feeling I could not describe. I wish then that I could write a poem describing my inner most gratitude for 3 fine sons.
"Not long after this my grama and grampa lost their oldest son, Alan to a heart ailment, that he had struggled with for years. One night when Alan was very ill a young man in the ward, Lamont Gunderson,

 came over to give him a blessing.

He told them later that he was about to bless Alan that he would get better, but felt inspired to end with a plea for the Lord to take Alan, that his suffering would be brief.

Alan passed away very quietly that night while being held in his dad's arms.

 He was 18 years old.

 A year later grama wrote:

"Here it is a year since Alan left us. It is as fresh in my mind as if it were yesterday. Oh the heartache. Only a mother who has had a similar experience can know the feeling. The tears flow as freely because of the wound which is as deep as the day he left. It is not in my power to describe my emotions to lose one so fond of life. He brought so much joy into our home. Now it is like trying to go full speed on three wheels or some such impossible thing."

 

Grama had other problems to deal with in her life. 

 But she rose to the occasion.  She handled them with grace. 

 Always being there for her family.  Family was the most important thing to her.  She was a simple woman.  She learned early to serve others. 

 She was an ordinary woman who was extraordinary.

 

Another extraordinary woman is my sister, Jolyn.

 

She's the youngest in our family.  She became a widow at the age of forty one. 

She has four children. 

 At this young age she realized she had to reinvent herself. 

She has been an example of strength and generosity to the members of our family. 

Giving back to the Hospital that tried so hard to save her husband's life. 

 Always smiling.. I'm sure she get's down, but seldom does she show it to anyone. 

 As her children have grown and left home, she's had to start over again. 

She's stays busy by serving in the church,
 loving and playing with grandchildren and exploring the world. 

She is the most adventurous woman I know. 

Travelling the world..nothing slows her down. 

 She is a woman of a different time,
but much like our grandmother she rises to the occasion,
 through service, through her faith,
 she is extraordinary. 

 

As I write this post I can think of countless others and will probably post about them in weeks to come.
 These women keep me going.
They go about their lives without much fanfare.
 They just go out there and get things done,
 because they love their families..because they love the Lord, because they have faith,
 because they are righteous.

 

"In any and every age of the world when God has called or commanded man or a people to perform a certain work, they through determination and perserverance, and faith in him, have been enabled to accomplish it."

 

~Wilford Woodruff

Reflections on Age

In a little over six weeks I will be turning 60. 

 I've decided it's time to let go of a few things that I don't think are going to happen. 

 I don't think I will ever be one of those lovely tall(??) skinny elegant women who age gracefully with long, beautifully greying hair. 

 I don't think I'll ever get my shelves relined,

 I don't know that I'll ever sit leisurely by a pool reading papers...

and I don't think my kitchen will ever look like the picture above. 

 It's time to accept myself as I am today. 

This young girl is gone. 

 Gone is the tiny figure, the smooth skin, the energy that a younger woman has.  

 

 Although this may seem somewhat depressing and a bit sad, it truly isn't. 

 For as I've aged I've been learning lessons. 

 I've been taught by the those I am closest to.

My friendships are more precious because we've known one another for so long and been through so much together. 

 Each relationship I have deepens as the years go by. 

 As I make mistakes I gain wisdom and hopefully strive to become a better person. 

 I feel that I am a much more compassionate person than that young girl was..she hadn't really been tested yet. 

 

 Growing older isn't so bad if you think about what has been gained (and if you don't look at old pictures). 

 Growing older is about  acceptance.  There's always room for improvement. life certainly isn't over yet..but it's good to learn to be happy with the way things are.. being content, appreciating the wisdom gained and all the lessons learned.  Enjoying simple things..taking time to be grateful for all the blessings I have been given.  Enjoying my beautiful grandchildren.  Having perspective.  Knowing what is important. 

"Seek not outside yourself, heaven is within."

 

~Mary Lou Cook

Graceful, Calm and Reassuring

Everyone is busy in today's world.  There is so much to be done.  I don't know anyone who is sitting around watching soaps and eating bon bons.

As I have grown older and my husband and I are on our own, with our children having their own families and lives, I seem to only get busier.  Yet I seek to not seem busy or tired.  I want to be calm and reassuring.  I want to be the kind of woman who has time for my family and friends.  To enjoy every minute with those that I love.  I want to step outside of my life and embrace those I come in contact with. 
I have a friend who does just that.  She makes each person she sees feel so loved, and as if she has all the time in the world for just that particular person.  She might have a million things to do, but you'd never know it.  She is never in a hurry,  Her calmness and sincerity brings a feeling of warmth and love to those she associates with.  I am striving to have more of these qualities.  Being interested and taking time with friends and family is just another way of being kind. 
Slowing down in this crazy world to enjoy my loved ones.  I can't think of anything more important than that.

To My Whitney

I can't believe my baby is turning thirty today.  I can remember so clearly the day you were born, and it seems like just a few moments ago.  After having tiny babies, it was fun to have a chubby little one that I could cuddle and hold.  I knew you were the last, and so I held onto you a bit longer.  I had the time to enjoy each step you took and enjoyed every minute of it.  I loved watching you grow from a shy little girl into a self-assured beautiful, talented woman.

There are so many sides to you Whitney.  You are part of a family.  You are a sister, a friend, a loving aunt to seven little boys.  You are a romantic, an outdoorsman, a dreamer, a teacher.  You are creative, you are loving and kind, you are a daughter and a wife.

And you are about to become a mother.  You will be an amazing mom.  You have so much love to give.  Your little one is lucky to have you.  Happy Birthday to you.  Thank you for blessing my life these last thirty years. 
Love, mom

Gravity- keeping me grounded

As the years pass it is inevitable. Things begin to droop, slip out and fall out of their place. Everything in my body seems to be going in a downward spiral. It is a weird feeling, because I feel that my mind - though fuzzy at times is quite elevated and in a happy place. As a woman I try to do simple things to try and temporarily fix the state of my body. That awful underwire that I whip off as soon as I walk in the door. (I only wear it when going somewhere special, so I look like I have a waist.)

 Lately another problem has arisen reminding me that the years are very quickly marching all over my face.  When putting on my blush, I find that my cheek bones are harder to find, or they are really low. My blush used to go just under my eyes. Now it goes on somewhere to the side of my nose and my mouth. My cheek bones are falling or disappearing

Whatever, I've just turned into a different version of who I was. I've decided to welcome this new version of me with enthusiasm. She's not the young, perky girl of my youth. She is a wise woman who has raised five children, been married forty years, has a saggy body and droopy cheek bones. I am now looking for make up tips for mature women. (Only problem, I can't see when putting on makeup, so am not sure of outcome.)

Coco Chanel says:  "Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fify/sixty/seventy." 

I guess I have earned my face, droopiness and all.

A Gentle Path

"Take the gentle path."  ~George Herbert

As I work through my dreams and aspirations this year, I want to find time to enjoy some quiet.  When life gets busy and energy gets depleted I tend to eliminate the things that energize me.  I need time to plan, to organize, to pause, to dream and then to act on those dreams.  Quiet time and meditation shouldn't seem like such a difficult thing to achieve.  But as I get older, instead of having more time, I seem to have less. 

Right now I am working on simplifying and cleaning my home.  I often wonder how I can gather so much stuff.  Usually in January I go through closets and cupboards and get rid of unnessessary items.  Yet every January there seems to be another pile.  I want my path into spring to be uncluttered and simple.

Summer will be here before I know it.  I want to be more aware and grateful for my surroundings.  I think this is possible through organization and simplicity.  I want to take the time to do the important things that feed my soul.

But, I need to start practicing now, so as the months pass I will continue to walk down a "gentle path."  I want the energy to plant my flowers, to be organized so I can sit and read a book or do whatever makes me feel quiet and happy.  After almost sixty years of living I think it's time to just enjoy the little ones and then indulge myself with simple pleasures.

Aspirations

I consider myself a happy woman.  I have a loving husband, a beautiful home, children and grandchildren that I love dearly.  I have friends that are dear. 

As I go over my life each year at this time I make resolutions, but I usually don't follow through. 
The get in shape, loose the weight thing happens once in awhile, but I'm not as diligent as I
 should be.  I think this year I won't call the things I want to happen resolutions or goals. 
 I will call them aspirations or dreams that I will turn into reality.  I need to get out of
my "pajamas" quit waiting by the mailbox, open the door and get on my bike and go somewhere. 
 It's not that I don't do anything, I'm busy from six in the morning until I drop in bed at ten
 or eleven.  But I seem to not get in some of the things I want to accomplish. 

Simple things like getting a bit more organized.  Trying a new cleaning method. 
 I have really wanted to learn how to make a skirt. And I'd like to give a few more parties. 
 I have some personal goals, oh I mean aspirations, that I keep putting off. 
I think it is time to organize myself, so I can make these dreams a reality.

I need to be a little surprised by life, to hug a little more, to enjoy my friends and have fun
 with them more.  I need to lay out under the stars and hear the sounds of summer nights. 
 I need to laugh and sing with my little ones even more.  They are small for such a short time. 
These are my dreams for the New Year. 

 I'm excited to put things into motion!

 I feel that I have a slightly unrealistic view of myself. 

I am still living in the past.  Thinking I am young, with youthful skin and hair. 

You know, lovely like we all used to be before we got, you know, old. 

Well, I am reminded occasionally by my little ones that I am living in a dream world.

Never so much as the other day.

 I was laying down by Jake, we had read stories and sung songs,

and now it was time to drift off to dreamland. 

But he was more interested in finding every part of my body that had excess skin on it and then pulling it with his little fingers. 

He especially liked the folds around my eyes and under my neck. 

 I realized that I had tons of excess skin, EVERYWHERE!!!

Jake reminded me, without saying a word that I am no longer young. I am a....

Grandmother. 

Actually my name is grama polly. 

Jake finally went to sleep.

As I gazed down at his face,  I thought about my stage of life.   

I like it better where I am.   I like looking at the scenery instead of myself, which, at this age is much more rewarding. 

Watching the trees bud, the flowers bloom,

the grass turn green and the little ones grow...

nothing more lovely.

BEING ELEGANT

 I have always wanted to be elegant.  Always wanted perfect hair, perfect skin, and I hate to admit it, but I love clothes -(for anyone reading that doesn't know this already).  And tell me, who doesn't fall for those ads about makeup~ you know the one's that say, when you rotate your hand just so with their product - you will look 10 years younger. That new haircut will make you look just like the girl in the picture and that new outfit will take pounds off - even if it is a size bigger than the last time you were out shopping.
I tend to get carried away sometimes with how I appear - wanting to be elegant and all.  When looking elegant is different than being elegant.  Coco Chanel said, "Elegance does not consist in putting on a new dress, rather, elegance in personal style requires only that a woman major in the classics:  comfort, color, shape, fabric, value, and appropriateness.  Elegance means that clothes never eclipse the woman within but permit her inner light to shine."  This statement gets me down to what I really want to write about. 
I am surrounded by elegant women.  Women who are comforatable with themselves, who value themselves and what they do, who don't care about color or shape.  Their inner light shines constantly. 
To me, this is true elegance.  I don't live in a big city, just a simple neighborhood.  These elegant women are my friends, neighbors, sisters, daughters, mothers, grandmothers.  Lovely women, every one.  They are kind and good and have talents and are creative.  They share and serve and above all, they love. 
I think most of them like a day at the salon and a new dress. Who doesn't?  But none of them need it to be elegant. They all ready are.

They are simple, graceful, well-bred, they never over-power, but always strike the right note.  They are self assured.  Beauty, grace and elegance cannot be bought.  It is attained by how a person lives.  It has nothing to do with makup, hair or clothes.  It is letting the inner light shine through. 
These women have it!