Missing June

Lately I've been missing my mom, alot. I just want to call her up like I used to and tell her all the things that are going on in my life and see how she's doing. Just like we used to. I want to catch her up on the little boys and how they are growing up. Tell her how Whitney and Tyler found their perfect soulmates and had beautiful weddings. Tell her how Nick is a great teacher of English. I want to show her pictures of Christmas and share how beautiful my secret garden is in the summer. I want her wisdom and to feel her love. I just want to hear her voice.

I had such a wonderful relationship with my mom. We were best friends, chatting several times a week about everything and about nothing. One of the things I am most grateful for in my life is that when she died so suddenly I feel that nothing was left undone. She knew I loved her. What a peace that has brought me when I have times like these missing her so.
I had an experience when I was sick with Nocardia. I had been admitted to the hospital not able to breath and had to stay there for about a week while trying to get my oxygen levels to 90. It was a difficult time, the doctors were giving me high doses of prednisone and I had to be on oxygen constantly, with breathing treatments every four hours. I had been in and out of the hospital several times at this point and always made a point of sending thank you notes to the staff when I was there, even if it was just the emergency room, so many of the staff knew me at the hospital. (They treat you really nice if you send thank you notes). Anyway, the nurses and aids always treated me so kindly and one respiratory therapist in particular would come in and try to calm me when I would get anxious. She would sit and talk to me very quietly and tell me in a very calm voice to just breath. Her name was June. When she was in the room I felt my mom's presence, just telling me to breath. I felt more calm. I loved it when June was on duty. That's the only time I've ever felt my mom's presence. But I cherish that experience, and when I miss mom I not only think of our wonderful chats on the phone, but I think of that particular hospital stay and know that she's still with me caring and loving and knowing what's going on. It helps, a little.