Rehab - Learning to Live and Love Again

How do I start this story? How do I tell the reader how I got from there to here? How do I explain that to myself? The truth is I can't, because this isn't just my story. It is the story of everyone. It is the story of the lonely, the story of the homeless, the story of the fortunate,the story of those that find themselves in uncomforatable circumstances, the story of those that help the sick, the story of those that support others, mostly it is the story of those that serve, and I think in some way or another we all serve somewhere along the line. So it is a story about us all and a story about hope.

I had been sick for three years with a bacterial infection in my lungs called Nocardia. I had been in and out of the hospital, constantly hooked up to oxygen. The illness had been a huge emotional drain on me and my family. As I was getting better, I was left trying to get off of the prednisone, pain killers, anti-anxiety medicines and sleeping pills I had been taking for the duration of the illness. Basically I was left a drug addict. After six months of going off the prednisone, on October 13, 2007 I took my last pill. I thought I was home free! Was I wrong. I just didn't realize how hooked I was to everything else, and a few weeks after I stopped the prednisone I crashed. Feeling so depressed and anxious I didn't think I could take it. I clung to my anxiety meds and became more depressed, and in January things were so bad that one weekend I took a lot of pills, then would wake up and not realizing what I was doing would take more. An accidental overdoes. My family decided that at that point I needed to go to a rehab and I agreed. I didn't see any way out of this without help. I felt that I caused so much trouble for my family that I just needed to go away and let them rest. I know the feeling of dying was with me a lot. Not taking my life, but just such an overwelming tiredness . There was a lot of depression, perhaps fighting for my life for the past three years had taken everything out of me. I felt beaten, rejected, resigned.

It's been two years since I started my long road back. In some ways it seems like just a minute, but I've lived a lifetime in what I've learned and felt. The people I've met and how I've learned to love, That is the most important. I have always loved, but I have learned to love differently, on a different level. Certainly with more compassion, with more acceptance, with a desire to make another feel they are important, because I have felt the least important and unloved and do not want anyone to have that feeling. I believe one of the reasons we are here on earth is to learn that principal. How to cherish others and make each other feel loved. Whether it be a stranger in a hospital, on the street, our neighbor, our sister, brother, child or spouse. I met souls along this journey who know how to cherish and they have the light of Christ shining in their eyes.

In the next few posts I am going to tell of my experiences as I lived and

learned through rehab. I hope you will read along.