Memorial Day

Grama Maude made sure we decorated graves on Memorial Day. So we make sure to visit and spend some time with those that have gone before. The old Mt Olivet Cemetery is beautiful with lots of huge trees. It is very quiet and a nice place to sit and let Jake go see the deer that wander around. Then off to see my mom and dad. Jim always has tools to make sure everything is cleaned off and looks lovely. Sounds kind of strange, but we usually take a picnic and sit and remember.

More Remembering

Taken from a journal entry written in July of 2006.
"How lucky to have had Maude and Leo as parents and grandparents to our kids. They were always so wise. They stood by letting Jim and I learn life's lessons, yet they were always there. Giving of themselves and totally unselfish. They really loved the simple pleasures of life. Maude taught me how to love one small flower or bush. I know now that her little yard was like the garden of eden to her. I can picture her hands holding, very gently, the petals of a beautiful peony and loving that petal and flower. She has taught me to be content with those simple joys like a flower blossoming in my garden."

Many of the very bushes that I love were given to me by Maude and Leo for my birthday. I can just picture Maude bringing me my lilac and my snowball bush. (They are mine cause they were given to me as gifts). She would advise me where to plant them and then Leo would get the shovel and plant them right where she said to! Maude was right because those two bushes have thrived and are always beautiful. The lilacs in my upper garden are transplants from their yard and are especially beautiful. Even though I have other lilacs and snowballs that are lovely, they don't stand out quite as brightly as those.
I was truly blessed to have Maude and Leo as in-laws.

Remembering

I like the Memorial Day holiday. Not just because of the time off. But to remember and honor those that have gone before me. These family members went through their everyday lives as we all do. But I like to get glimpses into who they were and how they handled things, and honor them for just enduring. These two almost always with a smile. From Grama Bagley I may not have learned the art of quilting or stitching (that skipped generations to my daughters), but I feel a kinship with her when I think about home, children and church. Here is a quote from her journal, where she describes her feelings when she is about to lose her home. "I have become attached to this place. I love the flowers, trees, and shrubs we have struggled to raise from a veritable rock pile. As president of the mutual I have attended five sessions of the annual conference. I have mixed emotions. It was an inspiration to hear Elder Widtsoe say, 'I am as clay in the hands of a potter.' Now I know it is my duty to forget material things and respond to the call and do the will of my Father in Heaven. It is my desire to do a small amount of good while I am young. If someone could say of me, 'she helped me over a rough spot or helped me catch the spirit of the gospel', I would feel my life had not been in vain. The loss of our home and my human weaknesses make me feel I should resign. Then I realize it is an opportunity and I would be cheating myself of growth in our church which means more than anything else."
Another entry in October of 1936 " Many things and events have impressed me and helped my testimony to grow. Not long ago, our three sons all passed the sacrament together. It gave me a feeling I could not describe. I wish then that I could write a poem describing my inner most gratitude for 3 fine sons."
Not long after this my grama and grampa lost their oldest son, Alan to a heart ailment, that he had struggled with for years. One night when Alan was very ill a young man in the ward, Lamont Gunderson, came over to give him a blessing. He told them later that he was about to bless Alan that he would get better, but felt inspired to end with a plea for the Lord to take Alan, that his suffering would be brief. Alan passed away very quietly that night while being held in his dad's arms. He was 18 years old. A year later grama wrote: "Here it is a year since Alan left us. It is as fresh in my mind as if it were yesterday. Oh the heartache. Only a mother who has had a similar experience can know the feeling. The tears flow as freely because of the wound which is as deep as the day he left. It is not in my power to describe my emotions to lose one so fond of life. He brought so much joy into our home. Now it is like trying to go full speed on three wheels or some such impossible thing."Grampa made his home a home full of fun and laughter. He raised a garden, with beautiful peaches, corn tomatoes, raspberries and cherries. He was always thankful to have the land and water to make it possible to grow food. He was never angry with anyone. He often brought little gifts home to his sweetheart, Adelila, my grama. He adored his wife and each of his children and grandchildren, and his great love gave strength and self confidence to each one. He had a great sense of humor, and "believed in buying the very best steak, saying that life was too short not to." His letters to my grama bear out his romantic side and true love for her. I found this letter not to long ago. It is so sweet, asking her if they can name their new little son Gerald Hawley. That son is my father.

From these two grandparents I learned about love, family, security, fun, laughter, persistance and perserverance, overcoming sadness and loss, faith, charity, hope - so much more. I bet they never realized what they were teaching as they just lived their lives. Thanks to you both.

The Sun will Come out Tomorrow?!?

I know we need the moisture, but can it please come in the form of rain? Look at my poor lilac.

May 24th... We usually plant the garden right after Mother's Day. This year it has been quite cold, so we waited two extra weeks, just to be safe and planted Saturday. Lots of tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, squash. The beans, lettuce and carrots have already come up.

Yesterday there was frost, today the snow. Who knows what next? Maybe-

The sun will come out tomorrow, tomorrow, it's only a day away.
(I couldn't resist)

Win More Than You Lose

"Life is not a trap set for us by God, so that He can condemn us for failing. Life is not a spelling bee, where no matter how many words you have gotten right, if you make a mistake you are disqualified. Life is more like a baseball season, where even the best team loses one-third of its games and even the worst team has its days of brilliance. The goal is not to go all year without ever losing a game. The goal is to win more than we lose, and if we can do that consistently enough, then when the end comes, we will have won it all."

-Harold S. Kushner
in How Good Do We Have to Be?

Gardening has begun

I planted part of the garden Saturday. I've decided to plant herbs close to my backdoor this year, so they will be easy to get to and even though I can't smell, they will smell lovely for others, and I can imagine. This little beauty is lemon balm, which if I let it will over take everything. It belongs to the mint family and is suppose to be a calming herb and reduce stress! Quite handy to have within steps of my kitchen. I read up on it and found that if added to sugar cookie dough it will make a pretty tea cookie. I planted it along with dill, which I put in everything I eat. So I can add it in with some recipes I found.

My lilac is doing beautifully again as usual. This particular lilac always brings me great joy as it was a gift from Maude, my mother-in-law. Another great lover of gardening. I can just see her hands as she handled her flowers as if each one were a treasure. She loved her little yard.

This is another find from my in-laws. It is an old milk container. I love to plant little bits of different ground cover in it and see how all the different colored patches look when they grow together.

There's still lots to do. The vine is just starting on my trellis. There are still some plants to be put in the ground. I got this fun, twirly grassy thing that I haven't decided where to put and look, there's lettuce and spinach coming up in Jim's vegetable garden. Can't wait for it to get big enough for Jake to come over and actually eat some delicious home grown salad.

It's finally time to Plant!

I've been dreaming of this day. Just waiting with my rake in hand. First all that April snow, then all the cold rain in May. Then I got the flu. It just seemed like I would never get my hands in the dirt this year. But finally the day as arrived.

I'm ready to get outside and play in the dirt. To see what it feels like after months of not being able to have that wonderful feeling
of dirt in my hands. Oh, I wish I could smell it. So sad, and then to be outside and not smell the lilacs that are in full bloom. Oh well, I will enjoy the sun as it is suppose to be 70!!!!

I will plow through all those old vines and bushes that just need to be moved and gotten out of the way. Once I get going nothing is safe! And finally I get to put those beautiful flowers, herbs and vegetables in the soft ground. Hopefully in a few months, things will grow and grow....

And look just like this! Doesn't it look delicious?

Beautiful Lilacs

It may have been a wet and cold spring.
But my lilacs are doing just fine. They are
looking lovely.

The Last Word

Today in church we heard alot about mothers. Many times these meetings can leave me with mixed feelings. Some Mother's Days I feel that all is well with the world and I love everything I hear. Other years I feel that I have come up short and have feelings of regret over things I could have done better. It's a mothers way. That feeling of trying and feeling good sometimes and other times not up to task. The point is to always keep trying. Which even when I get down in the dumps, is what I try to do. These five darlings have always kept me going. During the lesson in Relief Society today our teacher talked about how her mother's dying thoughts were about her daugher. Which I think is probably true for most mothers. Our thoughts always turn to our children. We want what is best for them, we want them to be safe and happy. There isn't a day that goes by that these five and their families aren't in my thoughts and prayers. They are my world, I am grateful I was given the great opportunity to be a mother. I may not always live up to their expectations, but I will continue to try.

Happy Mother's Day.

(artwork by Norman Rockwell)

Hope your day goes better than this!

My favorite mom's

I can't describe how I feel about these beautiful women! Abby and Becky- the mother's of Taylor, Jack, Hogan, Luke, Jake, and Sam.
So far the six most fabulous grandson's ever born. These two do it all. They run, they work, they teach, they love, they create, they cook, they....... and the list just continues.

They are amazing!

These two are the mothers to be. Melanie will be a mother in October and Whitney, well when ever she decides. But while waiting, she's Jake's favorite aunt. The two of them are also amazing. Working, creating, loving, enjoying life and making their husbands happy. I have never seen Tyler so content. I love this picture of Whitney. It somehow captures her creative and free spirit.

I love all of my girls and am grateful for them. I hope they all have a happy mothers day.

(by the way, have you ever seen such gorgeous girls?)

Happy Mother's Day to another Angel

I have written before that at different times people have watched over me. Once when I was in the hospital I had a nurse who's name was June who continually coached me to breath. She was so kind and loving, just like my mom, who's name was June. Another time there was someone called Pat who brought music to my life when I needed it most. A reminder of my friend, Pat, who is constantly watching over me and has music in her soul.
When I was sick, it was a constant battle to keep my prednisone regulated. The goal was to get me breathing without it. So my doctor was always trying to take me down slowly. When I would get to a certain point, my body would crash and he would up my dosage a bit. The exception was Christmas and when the PA gang came to visit. Then he would up it quite a lot, so I would have extra energy to enjoy the holidays or the kids. Even though I knew I would pay later, it was nice because I really felt good during those times. But there was one particular summer when this philosphy backfired. I had a bad reaction to the high dose of prednisone and ended up in the hospital. They had to take me down from the massive doses really fast and it was a nightmare. There was one particular nurse who was so kind and understanding. She would stand outside my door at night, just listening to see if I was breathing or if I was restless and come in immediately if she knew I needed her. Like I was her only patient. Like an angel watching over me. During that stay I don't know what I would have done without her. Her name was Martha. I have a sister who's name is Martha and she watches over me also. I sometimes wonder if it was a coinsidence that these people who watched over me so diligently had the same names as my loved ones? I don't think so.

Happy Mother's Day Marty.

Best moms in the Neighborhood

These two beautiful women are my dear friends. More than that they helped mother my children. They have been my neighbors for over 30 years, so they have seen each of my children grow up. They have been there through all the trials and the triumphs. They love them as I love theirs. How wonderful to have backup, to know that there are friends who would do anything for you and your kids. They are talented, creative, unselfish and kind, as well as lovely. Happy Mother's Day to Teri and Pat. I love you both!

Grandson #7

Happy Mother's Day to the newest mom in our family. Melanie is going to have a baby in October!

Tonight Tyler and Melanie came over and gave me an early Mother's Day present. They told us that grandson #Seven was on his way. We are all really excited to welcome another boy into the family. We've got our basketball team, a golf foursome, with some extra's, now all's we need are two more and we'll have a baseball team.

Ramblings on Motherhood

artwork by Robert Duncan

I always wanted to be a mom, ever since I was young. And I became a mother when I was young, never regretting it. Sometimes I wonder if I could have accomplished more personally if I hadn't had kids so soon, but I don't think so, a mom is what I was meant to be.
I am a sentimental sort. I love my heritage. I love being linked to those who came before. I come from a long line of story tellers and music was always a big part of my family. Family songs and stories passed down generations tie us together. As a young girl I had a good singing voice and was trained by one of the best voice teachers in the city. I would have liked to do more with my voice, but I married and started having children and so my singing was mostly for them. Those songs that I had learned from my grandparents, along with with cousins, brothers and sisters as we sang together on summer evenings in a simpler time, were songs sung to my children as lullabies. Even though my kids may not have sat out in grama's backyard singing under the summer stars, they were linked to her through those songs as they fell asleep in my arms.
I would like to have written a book with all kinds of wonderful life experiences from the past, but, sadly, I am not a writer. Instead I would tell my kids stories of those that came before, hoping to teach them of their heritage through those stories with the hope that they would learn from ancestors who lived lives before they were born.
My thoughts wander to summer time. We spent many long days at a nearby swimming pool. Oh, those lazy fun days when we'd pack up a lunch and a few snacks and be gone for hours. Swimming, getting their little bodies warm by laying on the hot cement, that creamy frozen yogart, packing up to go home just in time for little league or a game of kick the can-summer, my favorite time of year.
As the kids grew I think I spent most of my time driving to and from their school. Taking a forgotten lunch or assignment, picking up someone who was sick, dropping someone off who was no longer sick, going back for a game, but it was all good. The conversations about the day in the car were priceless. When else could I talk to a teenager all alone, one on one, except in the car coming or going to school?
I was told recently that I was a bit of a disappointment. My answer to that is: I may have disappointed, but I have never been disappointed by being a mother. Did I do anything Big, or important? Have I become a famous singer or writer? Am I well known? No! But I have rocked and sung to my children. I have taken them swimming, played with, driven them to, watched them grow, cheered and encouraged them. I have loved them. I have been a mom. I would rather sing and tell stories to my kids and grandkids than anyone else in the world. When I feel my little grandson's arms wrap around my neck, when they cuddle in my lap and entertwine their little fingers in mine and say "hold me grama polly" as I sing those old family songs, I think of that decision I made all those years ago. Being a mother may be the hardest, most exhausting, most heartbreaking....most rewarding experience. I chose wisely,

I love being a mom.

Relaxing day

"Ah! There's nothing like staying home for real comfort."Jane Austen

which is exactly what I did today, and it was lovely.