Ramblings on Motherhood

artwork by Robert Duncan

I always wanted to be a mom, ever since I was young. And I became a mother when I was young, never regretting it. Sometimes I wonder if I could have accomplished more personally if I hadn't had kids so soon, but I don't think so, a mom is what I was meant to be.
I am a sentimental sort. I love my heritage. I love being linked to those who came before. I come from a long line of story tellers and music was always a big part of my family. Family songs and stories passed down generations tie us together. As a young girl I had a good singing voice and was trained by one of the best voice teachers in the city. I would have liked to do more with my voice, but I married and started having children and so my singing was mostly for them. Those songs that I had learned from my grandparents, along with with cousins, brothers and sisters as we sang together on summer evenings in a simpler time, were songs sung to my children as lullabies. Even though my kids may not have sat out in grama's backyard singing under the summer stars, they were linked to her through those songs as they fell asleep in my arms.
I would like to have written a book with all kinds of wonderful life experiences from the past, but, sadly, I am not a writer. Instead I would tell my kids stories of those that came before, hoping to teach them of their heritage through those stories with the hope that they would learn from ancestors who lived lives before they were born.
My thoughts wander to summer time. We spent many long days at a nearby swimming pool. Oh, those lazy fun days when we'd pack up a lunch and a few snacks and be gone for hours. Swimming, getting their little bodies warm by laying on the hot cement, that creamy frozen yogart, packing up to go home just in time for little league or a game of kick the can-summer, my favorite time of year.
As the kids grew I think I spent most of my time driving to and from their school. Taking a forgotten lunch or assignment, picking up someone who was sick, dropping someone off who was no longer sick, going back for a game, but it was all good. The conversations about the day in the car were priceless. When else could I talk to a teenager all alone, one on one, except in the car coming or going to school?
I was told recently that I was a bit of a disappointment. My answer to that is: I may have disappointed, but I have never been disappointed by being a mother. Did I do anything Big, or important? Have I become a famous singer or writer? Am I well known? No! But I have rocked and sung to my children. I have taken them swimming, played with, driven them to, watched them grow, cheered and encouraged them. I have loved them. I have been a mom. I would rather sing and tell stories to my kids and grandkids than anyone else in the world. When I feel my little grandson's arms wrap around my neck, when they cuddle in my lap and entertwine their little fingers in mine and say "hold me grama polly" as I sing those old family songs, I think of that decision I made all those years ago. Being a mother may be the hardest, most exhausting, most heartbreaking....most rewarding experience. I chose wisely,

I love being a mom.